Rust in peace

 

It’s been a while since I’ve written one of these. 48 days roughly. Actually, not roughly, I’m certain it’s 48. I just like saying ‘roughly’ so you don’t think I’m a wasted human who keeps track of trivial dates that matter to nobody. We all do that right? Just use vague terms like ‘approximately’ or ‘give or take’ to avoid describing the exact occurrence of events so we seem like we have too much to remember. It’s simple, busy is more valued.

Isn’t that why we purposely go late to a party? To look like we are doing a favour on everyone by squeezing time out from our apparently close-cutting schedules? While in reality all we do is waste time and push things for the end, so we can do everything that could’ve easily been done earlier, at the last minute. All this just to make ourselves believe that we had a lot to do and feel less bad about the busy pretense. That said. I’ve been busy. No seriously, I have. At least, that’s what I keep telling myself so I can sleep at night and escape the guilt of not being on stage enough and writing religiously. I’m rusty, can’t you tell?

The past few weeks have been a mix bag of emotions. I had an intense ending to a fun internship followed by a family vacation to the Bahamas, which I keep mentioning to literally everyone because it sounds super fancy. In a perfect world, all that is well, perfect. But I think the curse of comedy or any art is that every time you are doing something that’s not adding to your craft, you experience this unexplainable feeling of disservice and emptiness. You get pulled into this whirlwind of polarising emotions, where you want to live in the moment and take the back seat, but the incapability to create doesn’t let you just be. All you then do is wait for time to fast forward so you can start working again. Then soon that happens and you’d like to believe that the misery is over. But no, the fuckery is just about to begin because when you get back to the drawing board you live with the guilt of not having taken time off whole-heartedly, so you start creating without interest. Which is even more frustrating. It’s a bloody black hole of helplessness that reflects when you’re back on stage again. You falter, fail and forget what smooth felt like. At this point, there’s only one thing that can help you sail, i.e., being a stubborn son of bitch and making peace with the rusting. I almost feel like this is turning out to be a low res Rocky Balboa speech, but damn that guy was right.

I’m back though. Not with a bang or any other super shady phrase that is used for finding your rhythm again, but more in a ‘oh maybe you’ll get through it stop fretting’ kind of a way. Good news is that I got selected for the NYC Summer Comedy Fest. That’s exciting. Especially because Indian comedy producers didn’t think I was ‘yet there’ to be a part of their festivals. They weren’t entirely wrong though. Side note: Great job on not naming them or the festivals openly in a blog Deep, you eventually have to go back home, and we all know diplomacy is the key to a great career in comedy, not jokes or anything.

Yeah so that happened, I also have a new 6-minute story that’s shaping out to be not entirely terrible. I just need to fix the end and write a few more tags that should make it strong enough for now. I don’t have much time left here though. 6 months ‘roughly’. The goal is to have an hour of material by then. It’s daunting. Friends have told me that I should start a vlog for this blog and document my mics everyday. Not a bad idea, but I’m terrible at speaking into the camera when it’s on the selfie mode. Let me know what you think?

I think I’ve written enough for now. (I always include these lines, that seem conversational and make it look like I wrote all of this in one flow without constantly re-evaluating what I’m saying. Fun comes.) Yeah, so here’s the moral of this graph-less story. Be back, always. Rusting feels bad and you’ll always feel tempted to extend this ‘break’ you’re taking a bit more. I’ve seen so many open micers from the Indian scene in 2012 just turn their sabbaticals into resignations. Don’t do that in whatever you do. Be back, always. Because you might regret things you didn’t do, but you’ll definitely regret things that you liked doing but left. So yeah, Rust in peace friends. Until next time.

 

3 thoughts on “Rust in peace

    1. Superb…so relatable…there were times that I have taken a break to write something new or work on performing better…but the fear of failure just pushes you to make the break a little bit longer…but like you have written stubbornness is the answer 🙂

      Like

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